Mother's Day
by PG Tips and Ginger Nuts
Summary: It has been five years to the day since Carla told Peter she was expecting their baby. She relives the pain of her loss on a day that should be celebrated by a mother and her children.


The community garden was quiet; tranquil. A sense of calm immediately washed over anyone who chose to seek solace in its core. Although it was adjacent to the constant commotions of the street it almost seemed to be a different world completely; separate from the chaos and never ending drama of what lay beyond its gates. The bright flowers that were littered around the perimeter danced as a gentle breeze made its presence known, the vibrant colours of the petals enough to draw attention and distract… almost. The only sounds that could he heard from the reposeful setting were the occasional cries and snivelling originating from the wooden bench that overlooked the beautiful scenery.

There she sat, her legs drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them as if she hoped to make herself as small and unnoticeable as possible and it seemed to work. A multitude of people had passed the garden in the duration she had been occupying the bench and no one had made themselves known to her. She listened to the laughs and melodic chanting of kids as they passed with their parents. "Happy Mother's Day!" The words were well received by most but each time she heard them another flood of tears overwhelmed her and she buried her head between her legs, hoping that the muffled cries would continue to go unnoticed.

It had been five years to the day since she had told Peter about the baby. Five years since she was curled into the exact same position on their sofa, waiting for him to come home so she could share what was supposed to be the most joyous news with her husband. There were no celebrations, no congratulations or phoning of relatives to gift a small piece of the delight they should have been feeling. Instead she was terrified. It wasn't the idea of the pregnancy that scared her or the fact that Peter had been so on edge lately giving her the impression that he might be tempted once again by the bottle, it wasn't even the idea of having to give birth that scared her. The most harrowing thought that overtook her mind was that she might end up the same as her own mother; if you'd even call her that.

Sharon had always been cruel and unkind to both her and Rob; to describe her as unloving was a complete understatement. She hated them; loathed them. They were a nothing but a hinderance and an inconvenience at best. They never stood a chance and if it weren't for Michelle and her folks she would never have found the strength or courage to see beyond the devastation of that estate. Knowing that pretty soon she would have her own baby that would be completely reliant on her for love and nurturing almost made her physically sick. How could she be a good mother to an innocent child when she had never known one herself? How could she raise a child when she herself had been dragged up, having to find her own way through life?

Peter; that's how. He was the only good thing in her life aside from her business. She knew that with him stood firmly at her side she would find the will to do anything. His love was always enough, always exactly what she needed to get through even the most difficult of situations. He was dubious at first but once they had both taken the time to come round to the idea of having a little baby of their own she couldn't think of any other way she wanted to spend the rest of her life. Their baby would be loved and cherished and everything else would fall into place. As long as they had each other she was certain that they would find their way.

Their eventual joy and acceptance was short lived as her life began to deteriorate once again. Peter hit the bottle, she discovered the in depth details of his affair not to mention Tina's unfortunate demise. Everything began to accumulate and almost drove her to the point of insanity but she knew she had to keep going for the life she was growing inside her. She knew that no matter what was going on in her life she would make sure that her baby was safe and protecting and would be brought into the world knowing love, away from the heartache and devastation she had always known. Peter had given the her strength she needed to want their baby, the strength she had already possessed but just needed a little help in finding it, and now she knew she needed to carry on alone. Their child would always have a father but staying away from Peter was the best thing she could possibly do and only confirmed that she was able to be a mother. If she could give up the man she loved more than anything for the sake of a child then she had already accomplished something Sharon never could.

She finally accepted the idea of being a single parent. She had been so hurt and betrayed by Peter that she had no choice but to carry on alone but with the love she had for her unborn baby growing each and every day she had faith and confidence that she was able to do this. But it wasn't enough. It would never have been enough. As if life hadn't thrown enough at her already she was faced with yet another bout of devastation; this being the worst she had ever experienced. The last glimmer of hope that she had been clinging to had been ripped from her. The light at the end of the very long tunnel began to slowly fade into darkness. She was gone. Their daughter, the one thing that would have been enough to save them, was gone.

She lifted her head and surveyed the garden, swallowing hard to try and clear the lump in her throat that had formed in the midst of her silent sobs. Everything came flooding back to her, all the destruction and heartache she had known in her life, but it was all pointless. She spent years dwelling on her misfortunes and not focusing on what really mattered. She had always blamed herself for what happened with the baby and probably always would, but she barely ever took the chance to remember that Peter lost his child too. A daughter that he would have spoiled rotten. She had been so selfish with her grief she almost forgot that he had been grieving alone for years; they both had.

In the five years since her pregnancy she had learned to forgive Peter for everything. They had both made mistakes and although his were colossal she found the will to put it all behind her. Life was too short to hold grudges and place blame when in the end the only thing that mattered was having people in your corner; knowing who you could rely on to help you through the bad times. Peter was always that person for her and always would be. It had taken a long time to be able to trust him again but she loved him as much as she did all those years ago and she knew he loved her. He was the only person in the world that shared the same pain as her, cried the same tears and bore the same burden.

As a familiar figure caught her eye she turned her head to look towards the entrance to the garden. There he stood, almost as if her thoughts had summoned him, delicately holding onto a single pink carnation; the symbol of a mother's undying love. She knew by his pale complexion and slightly puffy eyes that he had been crying too which in turn caused more tears to fall from her eyes. He approached her slowly, taking a seat next to her on the bench and without speaking wrapped his arm around her back, drawing her in close to him. She placed her hand on his chest, clinging to the olive green jacket she always teased him about but had soon become one of her favourite pieces of clothing that he owned.

An exchange of words wasn't needed because in that moment they both understood each other completely. They shared the same pain and he knew that the best thing to do for her today was to be there to comfort her. In the midst of everybody else celebrating a day to be thankful for their mother her heart ached with the sorrow of being a mother without a child. Her arms had been empty for five long years and her heart heavy. The only memory she would ever have of her daughter was the feeling of her growing inside her. She would never know her first smile, her first words, first steps and everything thereafter. But the one thing she would always remember and carry with her was the love she felt. Despite her trepidation and fear she was certain of the love she bore for her daughter, for the baby she wasn't sure she wanted but eventually knew she needed.

Peter removed his arm from around her and sat back, his brown orbs focusing on her face before he lifted a hand and gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. His silence was comforting to her and the tears soon subsided when a small smile formed on her lips. Although their daughter wasn't there with them in body she would always be with them in spirit. He reached out and placed the single flower into her hand, giving her a nod as he done so. She dropped her legs to the ground and stood up from the bench, slowing making her way to the far corner of the garden and knelt down. She pushed her hand through the array of flowers that were blooming in the bed, rooting around before she felt the soft bundle of fluff that tickled the pads of her fingertips. She smiled as she set eyes on the little white bear that stood proudly beneath the plants; the first thing she had ever bought for their baby. The grieving couple had settled on creating their own little area of rememberance in the garden for the baby they would never know, deep beneath the shrubbery; out of sight but not out of mind.

Peter took his place beside her, his hand delicately running up her back to show that he was there for her. He took hold of her hand with his spare and together they reached forward and set the pink carnation in front of the bear, silently showing their love and remembrance for the baby they would never know but always have in their hearts. Their tears and soft cries were that of pain but also the gratitude that, even for a short time, they were both the luckiest couple in the entire world to have had a child that would be loved more than she could ever know.


End file.
